


Like Always

by xDnicki



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Friends With Benefits, Friends to Lovers, Happy Ending, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-27
Updated: 2018-03-27
Packaged: 2019-04-13 17:15:45
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 13,559
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14117112
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/xDnicki/pseuds/xDnicki
Summary: Like always, it falls off Liam’s tongue so easily. Him and Zayn have known each other since forever… So yeah, when Zayn and always fall into one sentence then always falls off Liam’s lips like mom and dad, like grandma and grandpa, like chocolate and ice cream.Or the one where it takes Liam four years and ten beers to admit that he is in love with Zayn.





	Like Always

**Author's Note:**

> This is dedicated to Lisa. This work isn't beta'd and english isn't my first language so bear with me.

 

**How it begins**

Liam sucks his bottom lip between his teeths while watching his best friend from across the room. He is sitting at the kitchen bar, stool turned so his body is facing the table in the middle of the room where Zayn is hovering over the cake. Zayn focuses on the sixteen burning candles in front of him, then he takes a deep breath in and lets his eyes fly up to Liam's.

 

Liam smiles at the eye contact, “What are you waiting for?” he questions, eyes jumping to Zayn's lips for a brief moment before looking back into his eyes.

Zayn shrugs with a grin on his lips and blows the candles out while keeping his eyes locked with Liam's.

 

Loud cheers from Zayn’s family begin to fill the room, their eyes lose each other as Zayn is pulled into a dozen hugs and kisses by his family. Liam watches his friend while he accepts his presents from his family with a smile. Their eyes lock every time Zayn turns around to place the wrapped box on the table behind him.

 

“And, have you already given Zayn your present?” a voice says teasing.

 

Liam turns around and shakes his head, “No. I’ll wait until later, like always.”

 

 _Like always_ , it falls off Liam’s tongue so easily. Him and Zayn have known each other since forever. Liam was only a few days old when they moved to Bradford. His mom and Trisha, Zayn’s mom, had met each other during a walk through the neighborhood.

 

Zayn’s oldest sister likes to tease them about having had to change both of their diapers at the same time when she was babysitting the two of them. So yeah, when Zayn _and_ always fall into one sentence then _always_ falls off Liam’s lips like mom and dad, like grandma and grandpa, like chocolate and ice cream.

 

“Are you telling me what you have for him?” the woman raises curious her eyebrow, her lips are pulled into a grin.

 

“Aunt Zileh!” Liam chuckles with a warning undertone, letting her know he had caught on her teasing. Growing up in a not-blood related family for almost 16 years definitely has its pro’s and cont’s.

 

Cont’s: Aunts who try to make your business theirs.

 

Pro’s: More presents on birthdays and aunts that have your back no matter if she is your aunt in blood or not.

 

Aunt Zileh was there for him when he was too scared to go home with a cut on his left eyebrow because some boys in school didn’t like the colour he was drawing with when he was six – apparently yellow was boring. But to Liam it was the most exciting colour. Maybe because Zayn loves the sun and the sun happens to be yellow. But no one had know that when he was in pre school – or now.

 

Liam ended up on aunt Zileh’s front porch when he was eleven and didn’t know what he should buy Zayn for his birthday. He also called her when he was fourteen, because he wanted to hang out with Zayn but didn’t want to be annoying because Zayn had his first girlfriend.

 

“I was just curious. Everyone is waiting for the engagement ring.” she jokes and bumps her ellbow against his. Liam rolls his eyes, their families – Aunt Zileh and his older sisters, like to joke about them getting married.

He feels a blush creeping up his neck.

 

“Liam.” he hears Yaser calling him from the other side of the room, freeing him from the interrogation. Liam stands up and gives the woman an apologetic but relieved smile as he walks over to the others. Liam hates being the center of attention. All eyes are on him as he crosses the room.

 

Yaser lays his arm over Liam’s shoulder and leads him towards Zayn, Trisha and his sisters who are standing in front of the table with the presents. Liam and Zayn lock eyes as the man leads him past his best friend.

 

Yaser steps next to Zayn and keeps Liam on his other side. A cousin is standing a few feet away from them with a camera and counts down from three.

 

When the cousin begins counting, Liam lays his arm around Yaser's waist. At two, he feels Zayn’s fingers brush against the back of his hand. At one the fingers poke into his waist and Liam folds into himself with a giggle. His weight is being supported by Yaser and then the flash of the camera lights up the room.

 

A wave of chuckles echos in Liam's ears. “Sixteen years and still acting like a six year old.” Yaser says fond and leaves his spot between the two boys after patting his son's back with a smile.

 

Zayn steps closer to his friend and slings his arms around his neck. “‘Gottcha!” he chuckles.

 

“You are an idiot and had too much coffeine today.” Liam scolts with a smile that nearly breaks his face in half. His hands find Zayn's waist by themselves.

 

Zayn shakes his head “Not true. I haven’t even finished my first cup of coke, yet.” he frowns and rests his forehead against Liam’s shoulder. Liam snorts at that.

 

They see a camera flash going off in the corner of their eyes. They look to the source. It’s Zayn’s youngest sister. “Mom told me to take a picture!” she exclaims defensive and runs away.

 

“Everyone in this family is weird, I don’t know why you still come over here.” Zayn wonders amused, focusing all of his attention back on Liam.

 

“Because I want to waste my time with the _weirdest_ one of this family.” Liam replies with a chuckle.

 

Zayn narrows his eyes at his friend and Liam sprints out of the room. Liam dares a look over his shoulder and in that moment Zayn catches him.

 

“‘Gottcha,” Zayn says quietly and turns Liam around. " _Again_." He adds. The words hit Liam's nose while Zayn holds him by his hips.

 

“It’s true, though." Liam picks up the subject from a few moments ago. "You used to call yourself batman and everyone had to call you that for weeks.” he grins at the memory.

 

“That was a serious phase of me growing up.” Zayn defends himself.

 

“Just like that phase where you wore your shirts upside down?”

 

Zayn pouts “Today is my birthday, don’t make fun of me.” he says and crosses his arms over of his chest.

 

Liam can’t stop that smile that is growing on his face. “You know I love making fun of you.” he shrugs and steps out of Zayn’s personal space.

 

He is almost through the door frame when a hand pulls him back and corners him against the wall. Both of Zayn’s ellbows are leaning against the wall to support his weight, while their breaths mingle between them.

 

“You know I could easily switch our position.” Liam whispers.

 

“Do it, _or else-_ ” Zayn breathes out.

 

“Or else what?” Liam raises curious his eyebrows

 

“Come on then, come on.” Zayn says.

 

Liam doesn’t even has the chance to finish his next breath – he feels a soft brush of lips on his own. It’s over before Liam can react, though. A chuckle comes over his lips “Your _or else_ was giving me a peck?” He jokes as he steps to the side. “You have had a handful of girlfriends in the past couple of years, I thought they taught you more.” He says over his shoulder while stepping away from Zayn. Suddenly he is being pulled back and Zayn kisses him again.

 

This time, Liam’s eyes are closed and he has time to kiss back. Zayn's hands are dragging him closer by the hips while Liam slings his arm around Zayn's neck to pull him in even closer. Their tongues meet in either of their mouths; Liam doesn’t know which one.

 

They pull away after awhile, lips pinker and cheeks rosier than before.

Liam is breathing right into Zayn's face. Their eyes are locked.

 "I am – uhm- sorry." Zayn apolozies and takes a step back.

 

"Uhh-" Liam stutters "We- we should probably go back to the others." he adds and points towards the hallway. Zayn nods in agreement and presses his lips into a thin line while following his friend out of the room.

 

***

 

It's past ten when the last family members leave.

 “ _So_.” Zayn claps his hands and reaches for the first present on the table in front of him. Liam is sitting next to him, watching him unpacking the wrapped boxes with a smile.

 

“We are going to bed. Goodnight.” Trisha says and presses each boy a kiss to their cheeks. Yaser is saying his goodnight while patting each boy on the shoulder with his hand, then they leave the room.

 

One hour later, they are both laying in Zayn’s bed. “Here, this is from me.” Liam bites nervously on his lip while handing the envelope over.

 

Zayn’s tongue is between his teeths while opening the envelope. His eyes widen excited when he is holding two tickets for the art gallery in London in his hands. “Li!” Zayn beams. “Thank you so much! I hope you are aware that you have to buy a suit for this.” he adds amused and sets the two tickets down on the table next to his bed.

 

“Me? This is some romance crap. Go there with your girlfriend.” Liam replies.

 

“Nope. You’ll have to buy a suit for this and deal with the romance crap. Because you are going with me.” Zayn declares.

 

“Not going to happen!”

 

“It’s my birthday present and I get to decide who I want to take with me.” Zayn says determined.

 

Liam sighs, “I’ll have a really bad cold that day, Zayn.”

 

Zayn snorts “Well then, I won’t go.” he pouts.

 

“Let’s sleep. I am knackered.” Liam stops their argument with a smile and turns to his side, back facing Zayn. Zayn smiles fondly at his friend's back before turning around, too.

 

***

 

Liam wakes up with a too familiar body clinging to his back. A sleepy smile spreads over his lips. It only lasts for a few short moments though, before his brain has woken up and realizes what is happening.

 

Zayn is spooning him.

 

They have slept countless times in the same bed, but never has he woken up to Zayn actually holding him. He woke up more often with a head on his shoulder but spooning is new.

 

Zayn starts stirring behind him and Liam gets his hopes up for a brief second that Zayn will let go of him, but instead, Zayn scoots closer and nuzzles his nose against the back of his neck.

 

Liam's body tenses, he bites his bottom lip. The happenings from yesterday come floating back – the smell of Zayn's sweet breath is hitting his nose, the soft pressure of Zayn's lips on his is back and the feeling of their tongues swiping against each other feels more like reality than a dream. His stomach clenches at the thought.

 

A soft groan fills the air, followed by a yawn. The arms don't let go though. "Leeyum?" a sleepy voice fills the silence. "You awake?"

 

"Yeah." Liam responses and turns around. Zayn is looking at him through his eyelashes while struggling to keep his eyes open.

 

"Did mom already call for breakfast?" he questions and tries to blink the sleep away.

 

"No, not yet." Liam replies quietly.

 

"Good." Zayn sighs happily and scoots closer to his friend before laying his head down on his chest.

 

Liam chuckles. "I am not going to lay here and wait until you wake up again."

 

"But I'm tired." Zayn pouts.

 

"You could sleep for 24 hours and still be tired."

 

"I know," Zayn agrees. "You are comfortable." he adds in a whisper and drifts off back to sleep.

 

Liam snorts but lets his head relax against Zayn's. He is breathing with Zayn for a minute before slowly lifting his arm that is trapped between Zayn's back and the bed and lays it over Zayn's shoulder before closing his eyes as well.

 

He doesn't fall asleep, though. Zayn's even huffs against his skin have his full attention. He startles a little when he feels a warm hand linking with the one he has hanging over Zayn's shoulder.

 

"Did you only pretend to sleep to stay in bed?" Liam asks amused, while allowing himself to play with Zayn's fingers.

 

Zayn's body shakes with his giggles. "Maybe." he admits.

 

"It's fifteen minutes till noon. You have a date with Lola at 12:30." Liam informs.

 

"Nope." Zayn denies.

 

"I was standing next to you when you told her you'd pick her up." Liam adds.

 

"Called it off."  Zayn explains in a long breath.

 

"What?" Liam questions. "When?"

 

"Yesterday. Before everyone arrived." Zayn replies.

 

"Oh," Liam breathes out. "I thought you liked her?" he adds.

 

"Yea, I thought so, too." Zayn replies honestly. He lifts his head off Liam's chest and rests his chinn in his palm instead to look down on Liam.     

                                          

Liam doesn't know who leans in first but their noses brush – then Zayn's mom calls them from the other side of the door. They freeze, eyes locked. They break away from one another when a second knock breaks the silence, followed by a "Come downstairs, it's already past noon!"

 

Zayn climbs out of the bed, Liam follows him. "What did you wish for when you blew out the candles?" Liam asks curious as they are on their way to the door.

 

"Can't tell you, or it won't come true." Zayn grins and leads the way downstairs.

 

***

 

Trisha eyes the two curious during breakfast while they eat their waffles in silence. "So, what have you two planned for today?" she asks. "Do you want to order pizza later, like always?"

 

A lump appears in Liam's throat. Suddenly those two words sound different in his ears. Usually his stomach makes a double take at those words but not right now. The kiss with Zayn keeps replaying in his head and the worst thing is he can _feel_ Zayn kissing him, even though they aren't touching at all. "I actually have to go home." He mumbles, it's not louder than a whisper.

 

Trisha darts her eyes towards Zayn who just bites his lips, he doesn't look up once.

Liam forces the last part of his waffle into his mouth while a million thoughts are running through his head. It's almost like he is trying to find the answer to an unsaid question. He freezes when a knee is pressing against his leg. At first it's gentle, then the pressure gets more defined. It feels like Zayn is _desperate_ to feel any kind of response from Liam.

 

But the familiar feeling in his belly whenever Zayn touched him is gone. The feeling of safety and trust and closeness is replaced by something else. It's not a warm cozy feeling spreading through his body, it's something else. Something a lot more intense. It feels like a million ants are running through his veins.

 

 _Longing_ , is the final conclusion his brain makes.

 

He is longing for _more_. More of Zayn's voice, more of Zayn's touches, more of Zayn's smell. More of everything that has to do with Zayn. But that means sacrafices –  Their friendship. Liam knows what happens when friends let their friendship grow into a relationship. He has seen it on TV and in the school plays and in real life. It always ended the same: two broken people and one broken friendship that is never going to be the same _if_ they have the patience to rebuilt it.

 

"Thank you for breakfast Trisha. I'll see you, Zayn." Liam blurs out and almost runs out of the kitchen. He can feel Trisha's confused eyes jumping back and forth between Zayn and his back. Liam mumbles a sorry after running into Yaser in the hallway, then the door falls shut.

 

Trisha opens her mouth, but there are no words. Yaser is standing in the threshold, confusion written all over his face. No one says anything. Then Zayn jumps off the bar stool and leaves the kitchen as well.

 

***

 

"Liam, is that you?" Liam hears his mom calling from the living room after he had closed the door.

 

"Yea." He mumbles just loud enough for her to hear, before he is running up the stairs. He needs a shower. – The hot water is relaxing his tense muscles. He closes his eyes and breathes for a moment. The moment of peace doesn't last long, though. His brain is replaying the kiss and their morning cuddle. Something is different though, he doesn't remember that one of Zayn's legs was shoved between his own.

He also doesn't remember Zayn covering his neck with kisses and sucking on the skin there.

 

He turns around and lets the water hit his face. He uses the tiles at the wall to support his body while leaning forward. He is pretty sure Zayn didn't climb on him either this morning.

 

Liam lets go of a breath when his brain jumps forward to breakfast this morning. Zayn's knee is back against his while every bite he takes makes him more ill than the last.

 

Again, his brain mixes phantasy with reality. Zayn's hand appears on his leg. He feels the heat from the touch burning his skin. Liam drops the thought and opens his eyes. He finds himself standing in the shower, the fog of hot water is surrounding him. Liam turns the water off and leaves the tub.

 

He towel dries himself and ties the towel around his waist before using his hand to wipe over a clouded spot on the mirror. His blurry red face is staring back at him. He sighs when he realizes that he didn't take any fresh clothes with him. He usually isn't that picky but the clothes smell like Zayn and the last thing he wants right now is smelling Zayn everywhere he goes.

 

Liam unlocks the door and crosses the hallway to his room. He closes the door behind himself and walks towards his closet. He reaches for a few random things and puts them on before dropping onto his bed.

 

He knows if he goes downstairs, his mom is going to ask questions and that's the last thing he wants to deal with right now. Liam sighs and reaches for his school bag.

 

This will at least take his mind off things for a little while.

 

His attention on the math problem in front of him is getting interrupted by his phone. It's a message from Zayn.

 

"I'll pick you up tomorrow?"

 

Liam furrows his eyebrows at the message and sends a reply. "Of course. Like always xxxxx." He stares at the _like always_ until he spots the three dotts signalizing that Zayn is typing.

 

"Good :). See you tomorrow. Sleep well."

 

Liam snorts. "It's not even 3pm yet. But you, too."

 

"Aha. You are right. Xx"

 

Liam shakes laughing his head and taps on Zayn's profile picture. He remembers that day. They took a bike tour with the other lads and had a picnic. While the others decided to go for a swim in the lake, Zayn and Liam stayed on land to have an eye on the wallets and phones.

 

The picture shows Zayn laying in the green grass, hands crossed behind his head. His eyes are closed but the toothy grin on his lips is giving it away that he was awake.

 

Liam was watching him sunbathing that day until he decided to take a picture of him. Zayn looked beautiful. He always _does_. But in that moment Liam couldn't pull his eyes away from him. He looked peaceful and quiet which is rare for Zayn. So Liam reached for his phone and tried to find the perfect position. He tried a few different views and settings but none of them was capturing Zayn's face perfectly.

 

Liam went to his knees between Zayn's legs and finally, Zayn's face had the perfect lightning. Though with Zayn's legs between his body it would give the wrong impression to everyone who ever saw the picture. Liam was so focused on his phone, he didn't notice Zayn opening one of his eyes.

 

"Are you trying to give me a blow job?"

 

Zayn's voice startled Liam. "No." He laughed. "I am just trying to find the right position for a picture."

 

Zayn laughed. "Of what? My dick?"

 

Liam got back to his feet and frowned down at Zayn. "No. Your face. You look beautiful right now."

 

Zayn raised one of his eyebrows and lift his hands to shield his eyes from the sun. He was making a few movements to sit up but Liam quickly bend down to push him back to the grass. "Don't move until I have taken that picture." He warned.

 

Zayn snorted. "Alright. Everything you say." He blinked back at Liam while watching Liam playing with the different settings on the phone.

 

"Hmm." Liam hummed while watching Zayn who had closed his eyes again.  Liam tucked his lip between his teeths when he got the idea. He sat down on Zayn's stomach.

 

Zayn laughed at the sudden weight on him and opened his eyes – His eyes were no longer blinking into the sun. "Is this better?" he asked with a smirk.

 

Liam gave a statisfied hum and positioned the phone. "Perfect." he replied in a whisper.

 

Zayn closed his eyes again while giggling through his teeth. Liam took the picture in that exact moment.

 

Liam sighs at the memory and locks his phone. He would be stupid risking their friendship. What they have right now _is_ enough for him. It _has_ to be enough.

 

***

 

Liam is late. He is _never_ late. But he hit _off_ instead of the _snooze_ on his alarm and overslept. A granolar bar is hanging in his mouth while he slips into his shoes in the entrance hall. He can hear his mom laughing behind him. "Zayn would love to see this right now." She says.

 

Liam mumbles something incomprehensible and leaves the house. He meets Zayn at their spot. "Who knew I would be alive to witness Liam Payne being late. I thought about calling the cops, to be honest." Zayn grins.

 

"You just could have called me, you know." Liam points out while biting off the bar.

 

"That would have been boring." Zayn says and bumps their hips before they start walking. He eyes the granolar bar and wets his lips. "This looks good." He points out.

 

" _My_ breakfast." Liam says and eyes Zayn warily while chewing.

 

They fall into a comfortable silence, but Liam still catches Zayn's eyes flying to the granola bar. He sighs and holds the bar towards Zayn. "But take a small bite." He warns.

 

Zayn reaches for it, their fingers brush while doing so. Liam isn't sure if he is watching Zayn's mouth or the granolar bar or both. Zayn takes a small bite. "Don't want my _best_ friend to complain about being hungry during the first class." He says and hands it back.

 

"That's really kind of you." Liam says and accepts the bar again. Liam still catches Zayn eyeing the granola bar, though he starts to think that the reason for his staring isn't because of the food.

 

Liam finishes the granolar bar and throws the wrapping into the bin when they enter the school grounds. They enter the classroom just in time with the bell. And when during class their knees press against each other and sometimes it's Zayn who leans his against Liam's and sometimes it's Liam pressing his against Zayn's, he knows that they are fine again. The feeling of longing is gone, so is the confusion in his head. It's just him and Zayn being _them_.

 

The little distractions during class make the time go by faster. Liam and Zayn leave the classroom together. They are walking side by side through the sea of students to get to their next classes.

 

"I'll see you later, Z." Liam says when he arrives at the door to his next class.

 

Zayn smiles at him, "See you later." He replies and watches Liam disappearing in the room before making his own way to his next class. Zayn lets himself fall into the seat next to Louis.

 

"Oh, look who it is. My _friend_ who _didn't invite_ me to his birthday party, _again_." Louis says.

 

"I told you it's family only." Zayn replies.

 

"What about Liam? He is always allowed to go." Louis points out.

 

Zayn sighs when he realizes in what direction Louis is taking their conversation. "I have told you a million times that Liam is like my brother."

 

Louis grins. "Like _your_ brother, or like a _son_ to your parents."

 

Zayn doesn't get the chance to reply. The teacher enters the room and starts with the lesson. Zayn's thoughts are far away from history, though. He thinks about Louis' words. He never really thought about how his parents feel about Liam.

 

During passing period they cross ways with Liam and Harry. They fall into a small talk until a third body pushes themselves between Liam and Harry with each an arm over their shoulders.

 

"Hey Niall." Liam laughs at the greeting.

 

"So, I heard that Mrs. P is sick, so we have a sub and that means, movie time." He sing songs.

 

The others laugh while Niall leads Harry and Liam away.

 

Zayn is turning around and watches them getting smaller with each step. When he turns around he locks eyes with Louis. "What?" He asks.

 

" _You_ tell me." Louis says and narrows his eyes.

 

Zayn sighs and darts his eyes away from Louis. "I kissed him." He admits. Louis wiggles his eyebrows while a grinning at his friend. "He kissed back but then things were weird between us. I really thought I fucked up. But we are fine now. And I won't do it again." He says.

 

"You know it will happen again." Louis points out.

 

Zayn shakes his head. "It won't." he disagrees. "It nearly ruined everything we have."

 

"Have you talked about it?"

 

"No. And we won't. Because it's not going to happen again." Zayn says and starts walking towards his next class.

 

"You know it will." Louis' voice echos through the hallway but Zayn ignores him.

 

***

 

After the last class all five meet outside. "So, since most of us-" Louis starts and glares jokingly at Liam, "-weren't invited to celebrate Zayn's birthday. I thought we could do it today. Everyone free?" He asks.

 

Liam chuckles next to Zayn. Louis will never _not_ be petty about not getting invited to the party.

 

"We still have leftover cake. You are all welcome." Zayn says with a smile and leads the way.

 

***

 

"Oh, hello boys." Trisha greets them when they all enter the kitchen.

 

"Louis was pouting again because he wasn't invited on saturday." Zayn tells his mom while sitting down with the others at the table.

 

Trisha laughs and turns to Louis, "Louis, you are more than welcome to join us next year." She says. "And the others, too. Since it looks like there is some deep jealousy going on." She pats Louis' shoulder.

 

Louis beams at the woman. "Awesome!" he cheers.

 

"But you have to bring a gift. Or you won't get any cake." Zayn says from the other end of the table.

 

"My presence should be a gift itself." Louis argues.

 

Zayn snorts.

 

"Wait, didn't you have this date with Ron from gym class today?" Niall changes the subject, his eyes are on Louis who is sitting next to him.

 

Harry chokes on his drink.

 

Zayn catches his breath.

 

Liam notices Zayn tensing up next to him and raises his eyebrow at him.

 

" _Uhh_. Date." Trisha perks interest. "Tell more." She says and locks eyes with Louis.

 

"His name is _Don_. And we only went out a couple of times. Wasn't anything serious." Louis shrugs and shifts in his seat.

 

"I hoped for a happy ending." Trisha frowns.

 

Louis snorts. "Not with him, no."

 

If Trisha notices Louis' arm moving closer to Harry before turning around to get the

cake, she doesn't mention it.

 

***

 

After they finished their cake and put their dishes into the dishwasher, the boys disappear upstairs into Zayn's room. They all find a free spot on the bed.

 

"That silence after Niall mentioned Don was movie material." Louis laughs.

 

"It was more like the most awkward two seconds of my life." Niall replies.

 

"It's not like she didn't know I am into boys. I mean she did walk in on us once." Louis says to Zayn.

 

"I know. But I avoided talking about it with her." Zayn admits.

 

"Wait, you two kissed." Niall interrupts them with a teasing grin. "How did that happen?" he asks curious.

 

Harry giggles next to him.

 

Liam is staring at Zayn with wide eyes.

 

"That was about three years ago. We were watching a movie and were curious how it is to kiss. So we kissed." Louis says with a chuckle. He locks eyes with Harry for a moment before darting his eyes to the others again.

 

They spent the next hour and a half laying on the bed and talking about nothing and everything. Harry and Louis are the first ones saying goodbye.

 

The other three hear Harry giggling from outside and lock eyes before jumping to their feet to look out of the window. They see Louis cornering Harry against the wall underneath the window and then he presses a kiss to his lips while they giggle into each other mouths.

 

"Look at these two sneaky shits." Zayn whispers with a wide smile while Liam and Niall bite their tongues to not burst out laughing. Zayn opens the window, "Hey you two," he yells down. "Next time if you want to keep a secret, don't snog under my window!" he adds with a smile.

 

Liam and Niall appear next to Zayn and look down at the two. "Stalking is illegal!" Louis yells up and lays his arm protectivley over Harry's shoulder.

 

"I am just looking out of my window, bro. This isn't considered stalking!" Zayn says.

Harry blushes and hides his face in Louis' neck.

 

"Congrats you two. It was about time!" Liam shouts. Louis presses another kiss to Harry's lips and then they walk together down the street.

 

"That explains why Harry nearly choked on his water after I mentioned Don." Niall says.

 

"They are cute. I am happy for them." Liam says and darts his eyes to the floor.

 

Maybe it can work. Two best friends falling in love and staying in love. Maybe it can work if two best friends kiss without having it to mean anything and be happy with someone else later in life. Maybe Liam is overthinking everything and that kiss doesn't mean anything to Zayn. Maybe it doesn't even mean anything to himself. Maybe he is only overthinking and making a big deal out of nothing, because it was _Zayn_ kissing him.

 

Shortly after Harry and Louis left, Niall gets ready to leave, too. Liam wants to join him but Zayn holds onto his wrist before he can stand up. Liam furrows his eyebrows but obeys. They wave Niall goodbye and then the door falls shut.

 

Liam's heart beat picks up that moment Zayn shifts on his bed. "I am sorry." He says.

 

Liam narrows his eyebrows and looks at Zayn. "What for?" he asks confused.

 

"That I never told you about the kiss with Louis." He says.

 

"You don't have to apologize. You don't have to tell me _everything_ just because we are best friends."

 

Zayn sucks his bottom lip between his teeth. "I feel like I do, though."

 

"You don't." Liam disagrees and breaks eye contact before shuffling off the bed. He takes a few steps towards the door but Zayn stops him by reaching for his wrist

 

"Liam," He begins. "About our kiss-"

 

Liam cuts him off. "Zayn, it's no big deal. It was just one kiss. Like it was with Louis. Nothing is changing between us. We are fine." He says and frees his arm from Zayn's hold.

 

"I don't believe you."

 

This time it's Zayn's words that stop him. He is standing in the threshold and turns around. Zayn is staring at him. They are staring at each other for a moment before Liam closes the gap between them and pulls Zayn into his arms.

 

"Do you believe me, now?" he asks. He can feel Zayn burrying his face into the crook of his neck.

 

"I do." he replies.

 

They pull away from the embrace, their noses brush while doing so. They smile at each other, then Liam leaves.

 

***

 

"You and Liam could be so great together." Louis greets Zayn the next day in class, as soon as he sits down in the free seat next to him.

 

Zayn sighs. "Just because  you and Harry work doesn't mean Liam and I will."

 

"So you admit it." Louis grins.

 

"What?"

 

"That you like Liam?"

 

"Maybe I do. I don't know. It doesn't matter."

 

"Of course it does."

 

"He made it pretty clear yesterday to me that we are just friends and that our kiss wasn't a big deal."

 

"Mark my words, Zayn. It wasn't your last first kiss."

 

"You and Harry," Zayn changes the subject. "How?"

 

Louis bites a smile away. "For about three weeks. And it's still fresh that's why I wanted to keep it between us. I didn‘t want to jinx it."

 

"I am happy for you. _How_ , though?" Zayn smiles at his friend's soft face.

 

"Well, we were just laying in bed watching a movie and I just couldn't look away from his face. He asked me what's wrong and I just blurred out that I wanted to kiss him. He  said do it and then I did."

 

Zayn smiles at Louis. "I always hoped you two would end up together. He is good for you. And you are good for him."

 

"You and Liam will figure it, too. Just give it some time."

 

"There is too much of a risk, Lou. Our friendship means everything to me. If it all goes wrong, we are losing too much."

 

"Then you just have to hold on, Z. And you two could make it work. Because your friendship means the same to both of you."

 

Zayn shakes his head. "Maybe you are right. Maybe you are not. Like I said, we talked about it yesterday and Liam made it clear what he _doesn't_ want."

 

"I get it that you two have a deeper past than Harry and me, since we only met two years ago. But if you take one step at a time-"

 

"Louis, I get that you want me to be just as happy as you. And I appreciate it. But at first, Liam is my brother and I don't want to ruin it just because my dick has other plans."

 

Louis snorts. "You know, there is something called friends with benefits for a reason." He points out before the teacher enters the classroom.

 

***

 

Liam is leaning over sixteen burning candles on a cake. Zayn is standing on the other side of the table. Louis is standing to his left. Niall to his right. And Harry is standing at the end of the table with a camera in front of his face. Liam's eyes fly to Zayn's before he blows the candles out.

 

When he looks back up, he catches Zayn's eyes again. They smile at each other for a moment before Karen pulls Liam into her arms. He hugs back and holds on to her. Suddenly he feels a hand on his back, he expected it to be his dad but he can see him watching him fondly from the other side of the room. The hand is laying gentle on his back, almost in a way to help steady him after his mom had pulled away from him.

 

Liam turns his head, trying to see if Zayn is still standing on the other side of the table. But he isn't. He furrows his eyebrows until he follows with his eyes the touch on his back. He finds Zayn standing next to him. "Looking for me?" Zayn asks with a crooked smile.

 

Liam laughs, "Yeah."

 

Zayn snorts and pulls Liam into his arms. "Happy birthday, _Leeyum_." He whispers into his ear.

 

"Thank you." Liam says and holds on to him a little bit longer. Suddenly a shutter goes of and the two turn around. They look at one of Liam's sisters. "Is it just me, or do our families always take pictures of us when we are having a moment?" Liam says.

 

"Yeah. I guess we are just too cute." Zayn winks.

 

Liam snorts and playfully pushes him. "Idiot." He says and lets the other lads pull him into a warm hug, too.

 

It's eleven when Liam sighs at his phone and places it next to him on the bed side table. He joins Zayn in bed and climbs under the blanket where his cold feet tangle with Zayn's warm ones.

 

"Here." Zayn says with a yawn and hands Liam an envelope.

 

Liam beams at Zayn's present and rips it open. He pulls out two cards for the new marvel movie. Liam stares at the tickets. "How? I thought the pre sales were already sold out?" Liam says and locks eyes with Zayn.

 

"One of my cousins has a friend who is working at the movies in London." Zayn shrugs and blinks sleepy at Liam.

 

"Thank you." Liam says again and places the tickets beside his phone.

 

"It's one day after the arts gallery. Maybe we can take a cheap motel room and stay there for a night?" Zayn suggests while nervously licking his lips.

 

Liam nods, "Yea, if you are sure you want to take me to the gallery."

 

"Of course. There isn't anyone else I'd rather take with me." Zayn replies.

 

"I am pretty sure Harry would appreciate it a lot more than me."

 

"That's true. But he wouldn't enjoy the marvels movie as much as you."

 

"You know he would." Liam argues.

 

"Can you stop being so difficult?" Zayn grins while his eyes fall shut.

 

Liam giggles and shuts the lights. "I only _seem_ difficult because your arguments are shit."

 

"Shh, just let us sleep." Zayn's voice is low.

 

Liam shifts a little and turns his back to Zayn again, but he lets his now warm feet stay tangled with Zayn's.

 

***

 

It's almost like a de-javu when Liam wakes up the next morning. Zayn is spooning him, _again_. This time, though he smiles and moves a little closer to the warmth behind him. "You awake?" Zayn's voice is gentle in his ears.

 

"Yea, you too?" Liam asks curious and opens his eyes. He sees the sun shining bright through the curtains.

 

"It's past noon." Zayn points out.

 

"Well." Is all Liam says before turning around to face Zayn. Then he scoots closer to him. He rests his head on Zayn's chest and throws the arm that isn't tucked between their bodies over Zayn's belly.

 

"Are you really trying to go back to sleep?" Zayn's asks softly as he brushes some hair off Liam's forehead.

 

"Yes." Liam says. Zayn's body starts shaking with laughter. "You got your post birthday cuddle. Now I want mine." He pouts. "Unless you mind." He adds and opens his eyes. He likes the little steps they have taken since january. At first it seemed like they took a few steps back after their kiss. But now it feels like they are even closer now than before.

 

"No, I don't, babe." Zayn says and rests his head against Liam's while slinging one arm over his shoulder.

 

"Good." Liam says and nuzzles his face into Zayn's chest.

 

They join Liam's family at around 2pm. They eat leftover cake for breakfast and then they move towards the couch where Liam is resting his head on Zayn's shoulder that second they sit down.

 

"Zayn bought me tickets for the new marvel’s movie." Liam begins and looks at his parents after they sat down on the other side of the couch. "It's the day  after the art gallery. Is it ok if we stay there for a night in a hotel?"

 

"Staying overnight in London?" Karen asks.

 

"Yes."

 

Liam's parents lock eyes for a moment. "I will be calling Trisha and then we'll see." His mom replies.

 

"Ok." Liam says and focuses back on the TV. He feels his parents eyes on them but he doesn't care.

 

***

 

Zayn hates it when Louis is right.

 

He doesn't know why he is hiding outside behind a grafity wall on the school grounds. He also can't stop his fingers from typing a message to Liam, saying that he needs to see him asap and adding his location. Zayn keeps telling himself that it's a bad idea, and that they might not be able to shrug it off a second time. But over the last couple months something changed and there is this tickling in his fingertips whenever Liam is near. He needs to do something about it.

 

"Zayn?" Liam's says and pokes his head over the edge. He then glances over his shoulder one last time before joining Zayn on the other side of the wall. They are standing next to each other, shoulders touching while their backs are resting against the wall.

 

Liam turns his head to face Zayn after a few moments of silence. He swallows when he locks eyes with him. Zayn mumbles something that sounds like sorry. And before Liam can ask any further, he has a body in front of him, hands on his waist and lips on his own.

 

For a moment Liam's body freezes, except of his lips, they move against Zayn's, trying to find a rhythm. It's been months since their first kiss. When they pull away for a moment to breath, Zayn's forehead is resting against his own.

 

"Zayn." Liam starts, but he doesn't know what he wants to say or if he wants to say anything at all.

 

"No. Just, don't say anything, please." Zayn says, his lips brush Liam's with each word. Liam doesn't reply. Everything in him tells him to pull away, but he doesn't. Instead, he closes the small gap between them, again. This time, it's Liam kissing Zayn.

 

It could be five minutes or one hour when the school bell pulls them back into reality. Their eyes are locked when they pull away. So many words are left unspoken between them. "Last class. Important test." Is all Liam brings over his tongue.

 

Zayn gives a nod. "Sure, yeah. Go. S-sorry." He says and licks over his swollen lips. Liam bites his bottom lip and starts his way back. He turns back around and locks eyes with Zayn one last time, then he starts his way back to the school building.

"Fuck." Liam breathes out and wipes with his thumb over his lips.

 

***

 

Liam is waiting with Harry and Niall outside for the other two. He is staring at his feet where he kicks a stone back and forth. Suddenly a  too familiar arm slings over his shoulder and lips brush his ear. "We'll talk when we are alone on friday. Alright?" Zayn's voice echos in his ear.

 

Liam gives a nod and sinks into the touch. That sounds like a plan. They had gotten the ok from their parents to stay the night in London. But there was one condition, to send updates whenever they leave the motel and no club visits. On Friday afternoon they visit the art gallery and on Saturday they are going to the movies.

 

***

 

"Aw, you two look like you are going to prom." Karen coos at the boys in their suits. Trisha is standing next to her smiling at them.

 

Liam wears a frown. "I look ridiculous." he says.

 

"Oh shush. You look handsome." Zayn says and slings his arm around Liam. Zayn's fingers curl on his waist while the shutter from the camera keeps clicking away.

 

"Alright, mom. _Enough_. We have to go before we miss the train." Liam says and leads the way towards the door.

 

Zayn steps in front of Liam and opens the door for him. "Ladies first." he jokes and bows a little.

 

"I hate you." Liam says fondly while reaching for his bag by the door. The two say a goodbye over their shoulders before stepping outside into the early september air.

Once they have arrived in London, they take a subway to their motel. Their room isn't big but they have their own clean bathroom and a bed that nearly looks big enough for one, but they'll manage. They leave their bags at the motel and only take their phones and wallets and the key with them to the art gallery.

 

Later than planned they arrive back at the motel. The art gallery had a buffet where they stuffed their bellies – "It's free, Liam. We have to take advenage of that." Is what Zayn had said.

 

It's shortly after seven when they both sent their parents a message that they are back safe and sound in their room. They also add a picture as evidence. The suits are crumbled on the floor, the water is still tripping from the faucet in the shower. For the first time today they are quiet. No one speaks –  No one is around them to interrupt them. Just them and their breathing and the weight of the conversation they know is coming.

 

"So, about the kiss." Zayn begins but trails off. This is harder than he thought it would be. "I don't think that I can ignore it this time. I don't want to ignore it." He admits.

 

Liam sucks his bottom lip between his teeth. "Is it like it was with Louis?" he asks. Somehow that questions has been nagging him ever since he knew about their kiss. And it bothers him more than he likes to admit.

 

"No." Zayn shakes his head. "With Louis it was, just a kiss. But with you, it's something else." He says and scoots closer to Liam. He takes Liam's hand in his.

 

"I know what you mean. But our friendship, Z. I don't want to lose it if things go wrong."

 

"I know. And I don't know what this is or what it means that's between us. But I know that I want to kiss you, if you are fine with it. I know that I want to hold your hand if you are comfortable with it. We don't have to be and do and put a name on us. This is just between you and me, trying to figure this out between us." Zayn blurrs out.

 

Liam looks up and locks eyes with Zayn. "So we are not putting a name to it. We are just doing what we feel is right."

 

Zayn nods. "Yeah."

 

"And it stays between us, so we don't have to deal with outside pressure." Liam says.

 

Zayn gives another nod. "Yes."

 

"But what if things go wrong. What if something changes or what if a third person comes into the picture."

 

"We have to trust each other that we are honest about our feelings and especially if we meet someone else." Zayn swallows thickly at the last part.

 

Liam gives Zayn a small smile while his eyes drop to his lips. "Sounds like a plan." Liam agrees.

 

A smile spreads over Zayn's lips. "A good plan, then." He replies. "Is it ok if I kiss you, now?" he adds.

 

"Yes."

 

***

 

They are holding hands when they are going to the movies, they are also playing with each others fingers during the movie. And Liam rests his head on Zayn's shoulder when they are on the train home while their fingers are linked between their bodies.

 

Liam blinks his eyes open when he feels a kiss pressed to his cheekbone. "We are entering the train station." Zayn says softly.

 

Liam sits up and stretches himself. "Could have stayed on that train for a few more hours." He admits.

 

Zayn's smiling at him. "I know. Me too." He agrees.

 

"Mom sent me a message, we are going to have dinner at yours." Zayn informs him.

Liam nods and watches Zayn for a moment before pressing a kiss to his lips. Zayn smiles into the kiss and holds on to Liam for a moment longer before pulling away.

 

They stand up and start walking down the aisle. Liam feels a hand on his back all the way to the door. The hand disappears though as soon as they step out of the train.

Liam immediately turns around to make sure Zayn is still behind him, he is. He gives him a smile and waits until Zayn falls into step next to him.

 

The walk to their neighbourhood usually takes them about ten minutes. But somehow it takes them almost thirty. Their heads keep bumping against each other while looking at their phones where they look at the pictures and videos from the trip. Their laughter fills the early evening air around them.

 

Their laughter dies down, though when they are standing in front of Liam's house.

 

"Ready?" Liam turns to Zayn.

 

"We have no other choice, do we?" Zayn says while locking eyes with him.

 

They stand there for a moment, then Liam steps forward and pulls his keys out of his pocket. He feels Zayn following him into the house. He waits until Zayn closes the door and then he leads the way to the kitchen, a comforting hand is on his back though, that second he crosses the threshold.

 

There are a lot of hugs, like they were gone for longer than a day. They sit down opposite of each other at the table. Before their plates are filled with delicious food, their socked feet find each other under the table.

 

Maybe this is something Liam can get used to. Their families together at a table and Zayn's feet tangled with his.

 

Zayn is talking about the free buffet at the gallery and how they had money left to buy something from the gift shop there. Liam talks about the movie and how Zayn convinced Liam to take a picture with a guy dressed up as the main character from the movie.

 

"It was actually a girl underneath the costume." Liam says.

 

"Yes, she asked for Liam's number but Liam said no. So I wanted to give her the number but Liam stopped me." Zayn pouts.

 

"You were giving her a _fake_ number." Liam argues with a smile while his toe rubs against Zayn's ankle under the table.

 

"Not on purpose, though." Zayn pouts and looks into his food with a smile.

 

Their families laugh at that.

 

"You know it was on purpose." Liam says.

 

Zayn shrugs. "It was." He admits then.

 

***

 

It's almost midnight when the Maliks leave. Liam hugs Zayn's parents goodbye. Zayn hugs Liam's parents goodbye. Liam and Zayn mutually decide against a hug, they share a smile, though when they think no one is looking.

 

When Liam lays in bed that night he notices the empty spot behind him. It was just for one night and a half day but he misses it like it had been years. Liam stays awake and waits for a message. He checks his phone every two minutes for a message or any sign. Then he takes a deep breath and sends a message himself.

 

"Sleep tight xx."

 

The answer comes immediatiely.

 

"You too xx. See you tomorrow?"

 

"Yes :)."

 

"xx :)."

 

Liam smiles at the message before locking his phone. He places it on the table next to his bed and shoves his face deep into the his pillows. Sleep comes over him easier this time.

 

***

 

Liam never thought that it would work, but it does. The first time when they go further than kissing should have been sign for another serious talk. The second time was another warning to have the conversation. But they ignore it. When it happens a third time and their bodies are tangled while their hearts are still beating loud in their chests and the sweat is running down their skins as red lips brush gentle against red lips, it's too late to get out of there alive.

 

***

 

Liam begins senior year with a good feeling. In less than a day, though that changes. There is a new boy, who somehow managed to openly come out in less than five minutes while goggling at Zayn. That didn't make Liam jealous, he _knows_ Zayn is attractive. But what started to let his insecurities show was Zayn openly flirting back.

 

He tries not to be too obvious when he leans his leg against Zayn's under the table during lunch. A smile tucks on his lips when he feels a hand on his tight. He looks to his side and locks eyes with Zayn who raises his eyebrow at him, asking a question he doesn't say out loud.

 

Liam gives a soft nod, answering him. He has a voice in the back of his head, though, telling him to talk to Zayn but he ignores it. He _isn't_ jealous of a new friend Zayn made.

 

But he is, everytime he sees them standing together and laughing about something, he wants to walk up to them and take Zayn's hand into his but they haven't held hands in public since their trip last year.

 

"You really need to talk to Zayn." Niall suggests one morning before class.

 

"There is no need to talk to him. He can be friends with whoever he fucking wants to." Liam spits.

 

Niall sighs worried, "You are jealous. And you have every right to be. He is flirting with someone else."

 

"I am not jealous. I don't have a reason to be jealous because we are not dating." Liam replies.

 

Harry snorts next to him. "Liam, since you two started your whatever-you-call-it, you haven't been with anyone else. You go on dates and you have sex. That's what couples do."

 

"That's exactly why we never wanted to tell you guys about it, you don't understand it."

 

"What is there not to understand? You kiss and you hold hands when you think no one can see you. You like Zayn and he likes you." Niall says.

 

"If he liked me, he wouldn't be out there flirting with Joe." Liam argues.

 

"Talk to him, tell him how you feel." Harry says.

 

"To get rejected? No thanks."

 

"You are so stubborn." Niall gives up.

 

"You are hurting, Liam. It hurts us seeing you like this." Harry says.

 

Liam furrows his eyebrows and lets those words sink in.

 

 _He is hurting_.

 

***

 

Liam leans back when Zayn leans forward to press a kiss to his lips when he enters Zayn's room a few weeks later on a sunday.

 

Zayn furrows his eyebrows worried. "Everything alright?"

 

Liam shakes his head, "No."

 

Zayn swallows thickly, a cold shower goes down his spinal. He tries to reach for Liam's hands but the other one pulls them away. "We need to talk." Liam speaks and steps into the room, making sure there is enough space between their bodies.  "Do you like Joe?" he asks.

 

"He is a good friend." Zayn replies.

 

Liam drops his eyes, "A friend you flirt with." He points out.

 

"It's just joking." Zays adds with a half smile.

 

"Doesn't look like it." Liam says. Zayn takes a breath and stares at Liam, waiting for him to continue. "I think the best thing would be if we stop with whatever this is." He says with a hand gesture between them and drops down onto the bed.

 

"Hey," Zayn says gentle and sits down next to him while laying his hand on Liam's shoulder. "Talk to me first."

 

"What are we Zayn?" Liam asks.

 

Zayn drops the hand from his shoulder and intertwines their fingers instead. " _Us_."

 

"No, Zayn." Liam says and shrugs Zayn's hand off. "I need a break, I need distance. Because I want to know what this _was_ between us." He adds.

 

Zayn clenches his jaw. "A break, distance." He repeats under his breath, trying to follow Liam's words.

 

"I think it'd be good for you too so you can figure out if things could work out with Joe."

 

"I like Joe, I'll admit it. He is funny and sweet and hot but-"

 

Liam stands up, "Zayn, you like him, he likes you, that much is obvious. Try it. We have been having this thing between us for a year now, I think it's time we start seeing other people. We aren't the only people on this planet."

 

"But I am happy with you." Zayn says.

 

"Yeah, but maybe you will be happier with Joe."

 

"Why are you doing this?"  Zayn asks.

 

"Because I need distance to figure things out."

 

"So you push me away instead?"

 

"I just need some space, Zayn." Liam replies.

 

"Fine, but I won't wait for you."

 

"I'd never ask you to."

 

They stare at each other for a moment before Liam turns around and leaves. When the door to the room falls shut behind him, he feels a sting in his heart. This feels too much like a break up.

 

***

 

Things are weird with Zayn at first but they make it work for the rest of the school year. Graduation is spent with Niall. And before he knows it he is moving into the dorm in Cardiff where he is starting his fire fighter programme. Zayn and Joe started dating in the last week of high school, they are both visiting uni with Louis to get their teaching degree. Harry is getting his degree in photography and Niall in music.

 

The distance between Zayn and Liam brought them closer again as friends. He isn't surprised when there are more than ten unread messages from Zayn every five minutes. He is surprised though when he finds a white envelope with a purple writing saying _invitation_. He is still standing in the hallway when he rips the letter open, _invitation to our engagement party_ , is written on the first page.

 

Liam swallows thickly and opens the card: You are one of the lucky few who are invited to our engagement party, let's celebrate on saturday the 16th august 2017. Starting from 4pm until the last person leaves. Yours, Zayn and Joe. PS: Please wear something formal.

 

Liam nearly drops the card when he reads it but he is the last one who has the right to complain. He basically pushed Zayn into Joe's arms.

 

***

 

Liam's mom is helping him with the tie at the day of the engagement party. He hasn't smiled _once_ since he arrived yesterday. Liam knows what his mom is thinking. He knows that she _knew_. He also knows that somehow everyone knew about _them_. The raised eyebrows he received when Zayn introduced Joe as his boyfriend to everyone weren't subtle.

**How it happens**

The music is loud enough to get lost in the rhythm of the beat close to the speakers but quiet enough in the back to have a conversation without having to shout. Liam has lost track on how many drinks he's had; he remembers opening his fourth beer before entering the building where the party is being held. He can't see straight anymore, everything around him is a blur, except of Zayn.

 

He walks – or _falls_ over to his friend who catches him with a secure and gentle arm around his waist. "Hi." Zayn chuckles and looks at the wasted man next to him.

 

"Oops." Liam blurs out before he  snorts. "That's Louis' and Harry's thing," he adds in a slur. "But _shhh_ , Don't tell them." he adds louder than planned and raises his finger to his lips.

 

The coloured light flies over them, reflecting the sparkling of the ring on the men fingers; it makes Liam's head spin even more.

 

"Did you know that? Did you know that Louis peed on Harry when they first met in a bathroom?" he says and loses his balance, even though he is already plastered against Zayn's side. Zayn tightens his grip around Liam, nontheless.

 

"I do." Joe replies with an amused smile.

 

"I can't remember our first meeting, but I am sure it was better than that." Liam says then with a hand gesture between Zayn and himself before they lock eyes. Zayn snorts. In one moment Liam blinks at Zayn and in the next he slings both of his arms around Zayn's middle.

 

" _Whoa_." Zayn chuckles and tries to steady his friend who keeps tripping over his own feet.

 

"I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you." Liam mumbles in one breath.

 

"Love you, too. Liam. I think you have had enough of those for today, huh?" Zayn says and gestures towards the drink in his hand. Zayn tries to free himself from Liam's hold but drunken Liam is stronger than Zayn had thought.

 

"C'mon," Zayn struggles to say with the weight of his friend. He tries to get rid of the strong arms around his waist. He locks eyes with Joe who raises an eyebrow at them. "He is just really affectionate when he is drunk." he explains with a smile. He lays his hands on top of Liam's on his back and manages to loosen Liam's hold. He feels relieved when he steps out of Liam's firm hold and reaches for the hand with the drink, but Liam yanks it away, spilling half of the content onto the floor.

 

"I want to make a toast!" Liam raises his voice to get everyone's attention.

 

"To my best friend, who i love and i am in love with." he slurs and raises his glass.

 

The room falls silent, all eyes freeze on Liam and his raised glass in the air. Louis, Harry and Niall exchange a look before they look at Zayn who stares at Liam with an open mouth. "You know what, I don't think it's that deep. I am in love with Loki, too and he is my puppy." His voice goes quieter with every word and then he turns his back to the new married couple, mumbling something about needing more alcohol.

 

Zayn needs some too, now. He looks after Liam with wide eyes. He meets Louis' eyes on the other side of the room who shrugs. He locks eyes with Niall next, who is biting on his finger nail while darting his eyes away from Zayn. Harry is giving him a tight smile. Zayn is feeling the burn from Joe's eyes on his skin.

 

***

 

It's the worst headache Liam's ever had. He is laying on the couch in the living room with a bucket next to him and a tea he hasn't touched yet on the table. He doesn't notice the glances his parents give him, he is only mumbling curses under his breath while his eyes are closed.

 

" _Fuck_." He sighs and tries to focus on not puking when the painful shrill of the door bell echos through the house.

 

He hears footsteps approaching. He opens one of his eyes. "Oh," he says and opens the other eye before sitting up. "Zayn."

 

"You look like shit." Zayn mentions and sits down next to Liam.

 

"I also feel like shit." He tries to make a joke but Zayn's mouth doesn't even twitch. "You don't look better either." He points out.

 

Zayn doesn't reply, instead, he tucks his phone out of his pocket. "Do you remember anything from yesterday?"

 

"Nope." Liam shakes his head. He watches Zayn playing with his phone before he lays the phone onto his lap. A video starts playing. Liam is watching himself declaring his love for his best friend before mumbling something about his puppy.

 

"Oh," Liam trials off and presses his eyes shut. The headache is getting worse now and he can feel the bile from his stomach rising in his throat.

 

"Say something." Zayn beggs.

 

Liam bites the bottom of lips and shakes his head, "What do you want me to say? The video was pretty obvious."

 

There is silence between them. The silence is dragging on for minutes.

 

"We were _fine_." Zayn's voice cracks.

 

"No, we weren't." Liam disagrees and plays with his fingers in his lap.

 

Another silence stretches between them.

 

"Why did you break up with me?" Zayn asks.

 

"Break up," Liam huffs. "I thought we had agreed on not putting a name on us."

 

" _Don't_." Zayn presses his eyes closed. "I was just as scared as you but then the more time we spent together the more confident I got. I really thought that we were on the same page without having to talk about it. Us sleeping together, didn't that change something for you, that we have reached a new stage in our relationship?"

 

"Of  course it did." Liam sighs, "But then Joe came and you flirted with him and I couldn't get that thought out of my head that I was wrong."

 

"Joe coming out on his first day gave me so much confidence to come out too." Zayn explains.

 

Liam turns his head and looks at Zayn for the first time since he saw the video. "You never told me this."

 

"I didn't want to pressure you to come out, too."

 

"So you kept flirting with Joe in front of me, making me feel like shit instead?"

 

Another silence stretches between them.

 

"Ok, I didn't realize how my flirting affected you. I'm sorry."

 

"Well that sorry comes two years too late." Liam lets go of a long breath and hides his face in his palms, his elbows are resting on his knees. "I only ended it with you, because it would have hurt a lot more if you would have done it."

 

"Do you think," Zayn starts, his voice is a lot calmer now, it's almost a whisper. "We'd still be together?"

 

Liam shrugs, "I don't know." He says and looks at Zayn. His hand twitches in his lap, he really wants to reach over and take Zayn's hand into his and hold it and forget all about their break up.

 

But Zayn stands up and walks towards the door leading to the hallway. Liam jumps to his feet, "You-you don't have to-" Liam says, voice shaking.

 

"Please don't ask me to stay." Zayn cuts him off, it's the same tone he had earlier when he begged him to say something.

 

Liam closes his mouth again, his eyes prickle with tears. Liam has a de-javu to their break up. But this time it's the other way around. He is watching Zayn leaving the room. His legs move without him telling to do so. He is running after Zayn into the hallway. Liam freezes when he finds Zayn standing at the door, hand tightly around the door handle of the front door.

 

It's silent in the hallway. Only their shaking breaths are heard. Neither of them move. Liam is staring holes into the back of Zayn's head and Zayn's hand starts to hurt from the tight grip around the handle. But the pain is bearable, compared to the pain he feels inside his chest.

 

"It could have been us, you know." Zayn whispers, but loud enough for Liam to hear. "It could have been us who had their engagement party yesterday."

 

Liam clenches his jaw, he takes a shaking breath in to reply but Zayn cuts him off again. "Don't ask me to leave him." He says and opens the door and pulls it shut right behind him.

 

Zayn sinks down on the other side of door, back resting against the wood, knees pulled tightly to his chest, "Because I would." He mumbles under his breath and lets the tears roll down his cheeks.

 

Liam blinks at the closed door and waits for a beat before walking forwards. He sinks down to the floor, forehead resting against the wood of the door. He lingers in the cloud that Zayn had left, it's all he will ever have of him.  "I would never ask you to." He tells the door.

 

**How it ends**

It's a stormy saturday and the rain is hitting the window. Liam is laying in the bed in his dorm and thinks of the times with Zayn. He can't deny that he was the happiest when they were together. It's been two weeks since the engagement party. He hasn't talked to Zayn once since. Loki's head is resting on his chest. His phone starts vibrating for the fifths time today. He sighs deeply. He isn't in the mood to talk to anyone. It's just his mom, worrying about her son. He reaches for the device and turns it off.

 

Loki lifts his head at the movement and blinks sleepy at Liam. "You can go back to sleep." He says and pats his head. Loki stares and sighs before laying back down to sleep some more. Liam smiles at his puppy, at least Loki will never leave him.

 

Liam is about to fall asleep for an afternoon nap when a knock at the door echos through the room. He sighs deeply but stands up anyways. Loki hums when Liam shuffles off the bed and watches him walking towards the door. Liam pulls the  door open and finds his supervisor on the other side. "Hey Tom." He greets him.

 

"Hello, uhm, I just got a call from your mom. One of your friends from home was in a bad accident. You should call her back, it's important." He says.

 

Liam freezes, he can't breath, he doesn't feel his heart beating in his chest anymore. "Did- did she say a name?" he asks.

 

"Zayn."

 

A lump appears in his throat. He quickly reaches for his shoes, his car keys and his phone. "Loki!" He calls his puppy and picks him up as soon as the dog is by his side, looking up at him. He shuts the door and runs out of the building.

 

The rain is hitting his face, making it harder for him to see. Once in the car he wipes the rain drops off his phone and turns it back on with shaky hands. He calls his mom to find out at what hospital Zayn is at and hangs up without saying goodbye, but he hears the 'drive careful' before the line goes dead.

 

The drive is almost three hours. It's still raining but not as much as before. He carries Loki to the entrance where he finds Niall and hands him his puppy without a word. "Room 185." Niall shouts after him.

 

Liam is running inside, up the stairs and pulls the door open without knocking. He finds Zayn's parents standing by the bed. Liam freezes in the doorframe,  Zayn's face is turned to his parents, neck secured in a cervical bandage.

 

His parents look to him, then Zayn. "Zayn." Liam says under his breath and takes a step into the room.

 

"Babe." Zayn says weakly and tries to sit up but fails. Liam furrows his eyebrows at the name –  it hurts, and locks eyes with Zayn's parents who wipe tears off their cheeks. "What took you so long?" Zayn asks, it's obvious that talking exhausts him.

 

"Shh." Liam says, trying to calm Zayn down.

 

Zayn lays his hand on top Liam's, the familiar feeling of longing is spreading through Liam. He looks down and pulls his hand away. He looks back up to Zayn's parents and asks a question he doesn’t say out loud.

 

"I'm so glad you are here now. I woke up with this stranger in the room. I hoped to see you. Where were you?" Zayn asks.

 

Liam looks from Zayn  to his parents confused. "Joe?" he asks them.

 

Zayn's mom nods while pressing his lips shut while another wave of tears roll down her cheeks.

 

"The stranger claimed to be my fiance, but I have never seen in my life." Zayn rambles on and lays his hand back on Liam's. Zayn's touch feels so right and yet so wrong. "I had this horrible dream that we broke up. I'm so glad you are here now."

 

Liam sucks his bottom lip between his teeth and frees his hand from Zayn's touch. "It wasn't a dream, Zayn." He says then. The words feel like bricks on his tongue.

 

"W-what?" Zayn asks.

 

"Joe, the guy, he is your fiance."

 

"No. No. I love you, Liam." Zayn tries to shake his head.

 

Liam inhales deeply, forcing the tears back into his eyes but they do the opposite. "You don't." He says.

 

"I do." Zayn says, eyes nearly falling shut.

 

"You need to rest, Zayn. Get some sleep."

 

"Promise me you'll be here when I wake up." Zayn says and lays his hand back on Liam's hand.

 

"I will." Liam promises and this time, he doesn't take his hand away.

 

Yaser carries a chair across the room to Liam.

 

"Thank you." Liam smiles and sits down. "What happened?" He asks quietly.

 

"He wanted to make chocolate chips waffles for breakfast but they didn't have chocolate chips at home." Trisha says through a mixture of a chuckle and a sob.

 

A low chuckle shakes Liam's body. "He and his obsession with chocolate chip waffles."

 

His parents join him for a moment before Yaser continues. "It was raining this morning and a truck got into aqua planning and ran a red light."

 

Liam swallows thickly and pulls his hand away before laying it gentle on top of Zayn's and nudges his fingers between Zayn's.

 

"He hit his head pretty bad, he has amnesia.  The doctors say they don't know if his memories will ever come back." Trisha says.

 

"In the hospital, he said your name before opening his eyes. He was pretty scared when you weren't here." Yaser says.

 

"I'm here now." Liam says and looks back to Zayn.

 

The door silently opens and Joe pokes his head inside, "Is he asleep?" he asks.

 

Trisha nods, "He is, come in." She says with a half smile.

 

Joe shakes his head, "Liam, can we talk?"

 

Liam swallows thickly but stands up. "I told him about you." He says when he reaches the door.

 

"I know, I heard." Joe says, "Everything." He adds when he closes the door. They sit down on the row of chairs. "He hasn't been the same since, you know." He trails off.

 

Liam bows his head. "I never should have said that. I am so sorry."

 

"You don't need to apologize for you feelings. I knew about you two. But Zayn is just a really great guy. I was fine with being his second choice."

 

Liam bites his bottom lip, "He never would have gotten engaged with you if he didn't feel 100% sure about it."

 

"He didn't say yes immediately. He said he needed some time to think about it. That doesn't sound 100% sure to me."

 

"Zayn likes to think about the decisions me makes to not make a mistake. He said yes, that's what matters." Liam argues.

 

"He would have immediately said yes if you were the one asking him." Joe says.

Liam doesn't reply. "Since our relationship has come to an end now anyways. I just want to tell you to take good care of him."

 

"Joe, you just can't  give up on him. His memory might come back. He needs you to get his memories back."

 

"That doesn't change the fact that he loves you, though. I never had his heart, Liam. You always had it. And that accident proofs it. There is a reason why he doesn't remember me. I think that the universe is giving you both another chance."

 

"Joe, Zayn and me have too many problems." Liam says with a shake of his head.

 

"Every relationship has them. You and Zayn will figure it out." Joe says. His eyes drop to his ring is. He pulls it off. "If his memories come back, tell him I wish you both all the best." he says and stands up.

 

"You are a coward, Joe." Liam calls after him. "Now that things are complicated you leave. You piss off just because you are fucking scared of dealing with this. What can I say? Our last conversation we had was a fight. But I am here and I am staying because Zayn means something to me." Liam shouts, he doesn't care if others hear him but Joe doesn't turn around.

 

Liam rubs the side of his head for a minute before going back into the room. "Is he still asleep?" He asks Zayn's parents who are now sitting at the table.

 

"Yeah." Both say.

 

Liam sighs and sits back down on the chair next to the bed. He gently lays his hand on top of Zayn's forehead and leans forward to press a kiss to his bruised skin.

 

***

 

Liam didn't realize he fell asleep until he wakes up with a fingers massaging his scalp. He opens his eyes and finds his head moving up and down with a steady breathing. He must have fallen asleep on Zayn's belly. He closes his eyes again to enjoy the moment a bit longer. He doesn't know if Zayn's memory has come back yet.

 

The room is silent, from this position he can see the empty table and chairs. They must be alone. The longer he lays here and lets himself enjoy the moment of Zayn's fingers in his hair, the harder it will be for him to get up. He counts in his head to three before gentle sitting up. His eyes find Zayn's immediately.

 

He still looks the same as a few hours ago. Exhausted, cuts in his face and a bandage around his neck. There is a new plaster on left side of his forehead, though. He looks broken and in pain. "How are you feeling?" Liam asks.

 

"Now that you here, better." Zayn replies. "Babe," he adds weakly and Liam presses his eyes shut and pulls his head off Zayn's body. "I don't know if we fought before the accident. But I am sorry."

 

"You need to rest. Don't speak. I can see that it pains you." Liam says and lays his palm against Zayn's cheek.

 

Zayn relaxes into the touch. "Please, promise me to always be there when I wake up. Not just for the hospital but when we are at home again, too."

 

"We- we don't live together, Zayn. Like I said, we- we are not together anymore."

 

"Then let us be together again." Zayn beggs.

 

"You should focus on recovering."

 

"I want to kiss you." Zayn says then. "Kiss me, please."

 

"Stop talking now." Liam says fondly.

 

"I am so tired." Zayn says and closes his eyes.

 

"Then sleep. I'll be right here when you wake up."

 

***

 

It happens two weeks later, Liam enters the hospital room with a box of homemade sandwiches because Zayn refuses to eat the hospital food. It's just two words, but Liam freezes in the door frame nonetheless and for a moment he isn't sure what to do next.

 

"I remember." Zayn says, there is an unknown undertone to it that Liam can't identify.

Liam is still standing in the entrance hall, staring at Zayn. His civical bandage is gone and the top part of the bed is lifted so he is in a sitting position.

 

"Ok." Is all that Liam can get over his tongue.

 

"I had this dream where everything re-played, and it wasn't just a dream, those were memories." Zayn says. "Did Joe really leave?" he asks, eyebrow furrowed in a frown.

 

"Yes." Liam replies and enters the room. He places the box he picked up from Zayn's mom on the table next to the bed and sits down on the chair there.

 

"Thank you." Zayn says next.

 

Liam blinks at him confused, "What for?"

 

"For being honest the whole time and being here even though-" he trails off. "I would have understood if you would have left, but Joe?" he says.

 

"He is a coward. Things got tough and he just left. You deserve someone better, Zayn. And you will find that person."

 

"Maybe I already have found them." He says.

 

Liam leans back into his chair and sighs with a smile on his lips.

 

Zayn smiles back at him. "I meant it when I said that I love you."

 

Liam huffs, "Are you sure? You just found out that your fiance left you when you actually needed him the most. Let's not move too fast."

 

Zayn sighs, "You are right." A moment of silence falls between them. "But we can take it slow. We don't have to put a name on us." A teasing smile is on his lips.

 

"No." Liam leans forward and rests his elbows on his knees while shaking his head. "We are not doing this again with this _not putting a name on us_. If we do this, then we do this right."

 

Zayn smiles, "I'm in."

 

Liam tilts his head "Ok, me too." He says then.

 

They smile at each other for a moment. "What are you waiting for? Kiss me." Zayn says.

 

Liam laughs and does as told.

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> thank you so much for reading :) i hope you enjoyed it.


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